Vision Spells

And blowing the fuse again and again.

There is a corner of my kitchen where I tucked a microwave (we found on the side of the road and grabbed it for the kids who really wanted one) onto a pantry shelf, hid an air fryer on a small table and set up a coffee and tea station. Along with a floor lamp and a small hand held vacuum, we have used every plug available in this space.

If you turn on the tea pot and start the microwave at the same time, the fuse blows. Microwave and air fryer, instant fuse blown. When we first set up this space I blew the fuse a couple times a day, my brain wouldn’t remember to use one thing at a time. Sometimes I would blow the fuse and I would walk away from frozen food in the air fryer and not make the coffee because my ADHD brain would say, forget it. Other days I ran up and down the stairs fixing the fuse because coffee and bacon would not wait.

When I left social media it was like my personal fuse box blew. I couldn’t leave one thing without leaving everything that felt ‘social’ like emails and texts, and my work. My entire fuse box blew and I haven’t wanted anyone to run down the stairs and fix it. That part of things has made me feel badly, forgetting birthdays of friends because FB isn’t there to remind me and not responding to texts from people I love because I just can’t. Missing the community built around courses that I’ve taught for the last 16 years. I don’t know how to explain it-in my brain there is a wall up and because I can’t see past the wall my nervous system has a chance to settle down. A chance.

Before I left social media and all my businesses to take a re-calibration-pause-of-life, I taught a course called Vision Spells which was a remake of Spirits of Joy which was a course about creating vision books at the time of the Aries New Moon, dreaming into the new year. I am not ready to tear the bricks down from the giant wall that is in my brain but I would like to offer some tastes of that course since it is written and I could use a moment to be with it.

So around the Aries New Moon I’ll be posting some of the days from that course, ones that I feel resonate with. I might edit them a bit or at the very least remind you that it was written a year prior to now. These will be for the monthly or yearly subscribers of this little Substack and I hope that you are able to take something from it whether or not you decide to do the vision work along with the letters. Often just thinking about something gets you part of the way there. This practice has helped me to see the beautiful parts of life that often get forgotten in the sludge of day to day.

This is a bit of momentum I need, a small focus-making just the coffee so the fuse doesn’t blow again. It will force me to open my book from last year and remember what felt important and see if what I longed for somehow matches this time of pause in my life. I haven’t looked at it since the course ran last year.

This was just a little note to let you know and to hold myself accountable. Now life sweeps in and I am called to that very corner of my home that holds the trouble making appliances. Some grain moths have found their way into the pantry and if I don’t find the culprit immediately we will have moths everywhere, a moth take over will happen. The pantry needs a deep clean and organize so I’ll look at it as more momentum, keeping myself busy at small tasks-that when complete-remind me of what a beautiful life this is.